Please enjoy this tongue in cheek story of my path to happiness.
I was born. I do not recall this event, but I am told it was quite amazing. As I grew, I never crawled, I scooted sitting up. I see this as my first sign of genius. You can see much more of the world around you and your hands are free to grasp all of the cool things out there in the world. I was a quiet, introspective child, easily entertained by my own brilliant and logical play.
Fast forward to adulthood. I spent years seeking “the answer”, the “meaning of life.” I tried meditation, crystals and trying to search for my why. Each new attempt was filled with hope, only to result in draining a few drops from the vast sea of my confusion and lack of purpose. How did all of this work for so many while I continued to wallow in the miasma of not knowing my reason for being?
Then one day it happened.
I saw my first spreadsheet, bedazzled with complex formulas. The logic of the numbers and calculations were awe-inducing. I could not get enough and was soon addicted to the intoxicating lure of using data to find solutions. Using systems to collapse vast amounts of raw numbers into enticing charts and graphs. Not unlike Spock, Data or Neo, I felt the energy from seeing the patterns, recognizing correlations in just the review of the data.
The pure euphoria and near orgasmic sensation of summarizing and analyzing changed my world. I felt purpose and found meaning in the world. Logic saved me from the darkness. It is my lifeblood, my substance. There is peace in analysis, blissful peace.
